With so many horrific events happening lately, and with being almost hit twice today by semis, all I can think of is, “I wish I could be with him, make sure he’s the one I say ‘I love you’ to.” More than a month has passed and I can’t help wondering what he’s feeling right now… Does he wish he hadn’t left me? Is he happy he’s single again, able to pursuit pretty girls that I’m sure are better than me? Is he confused by his doubts and actions and wish he could change what happened? Does he want to replace me stat? Does he want to come back to me but is afraid to? Does he still love me?
…Sigh. Sometimes I wish he had just stopped loving me altogether before breaking up with me, because knowing he loved/loves me just confuses me. I could never in a million years leave someone who loves me and makes me happy, because I’d never be sure I’d be able to find someone like that again. And I just really hope that he realizes that maybe breaking up was the smart thing to do, so he could clear his head and figure out who’s important, and then realize he doesn’t want anyone else, he just wants me. And then we’ll talk again, take it day by day, and work towards a happier and loving future again.
I know I said I’d move on. But even talking to other guys… they’re just not him. Even when he and I first started talking, it wasn’t awkward and just felt right. I have never felt so right with someone like that before, and so far it hasn’t happened again. And I really don’t know when/if it’ll happen again with someone who isn’t him. Because I don’t want anyone who isn’t him. I just wish I had been good enough for him.
When I started sensing things back in January, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would turn out like this. Because despite what he might have been feeling, I thought he would understand doubts happen in every relationship. I thought he would understand that it’s realizing that, “Yes, maybe there are others out there for me, but could they really beat what I have now?” It’s one thing to fall out of love with the person, because leaving makes sense then. Clearly you weren’t meant to be. But it’s an entirely different thing giving in to your doubts because you don’t know what else to do. If everyone gave into their doubts, no one would last together. But people do come to the realization that it’s not worth giving up their wonderful, sturdy relationship for the off chance something better could come their way. And despite it being a month, I can’t get over the fact that he just gave up on us. But even so, I can’t imagine loving anyone else but him. I’m fully aware that there are others out there that I could potentially meet and fall for. But do I really want them? No. I gave my heart fully to him and I thought he did the same for me. I can’t just take my heart back because deep down I still feel like we’re not over. I’m hoping we might try to move on, but then realize nothing can really beat what we had. That was real love, and that was supposed to last. Maybe it didn’t last right this minute, but I’m hoping we’ll come back to each other again, this time ready to commit and still in love. It won’t be easy getting back to where we once were, but it would be worth it in the end. True love doesn’t come around often enough, and if there’s ever a chance of it happening again for us, I want us to try. We owe that much to ourselves.
Harry Potter Series by Kazu Kibuishi
15” X 21” giclee prints, S/N editons of 500. Available HERE.
Originally used as the series’ book covers published by Scholastic, these limited prints are accompanied by a certificate of authenticity and a feather secured in an envelope with a custom wax seal honoring the iconic post owls.
Taylor Swift - All Too Well (Live at the GRAMMYs 2014) download
It’s like I could have written this…
What are the chances I will find a guy who is an anti-theist/athiest, attractive, a Lord of the Rings/Star Wars/Batman/etc. fan, yearns to travel, family-oriented, whose family likes me, a non-partier, loves cuddling, in tune with his emotions, enjoys cooking with me, is clean, has similar musical interests, takes care of me, shows his love very well, has a great sense of humour, has the same values as myself with regards to family, friends, money and home, who makes me feel secure and comfortable, and treats me like I’m one of the most important people in their lives, treasuring every moment we spend together? Finding a love like that is rare. What if I’m not that lucky again? :(
"If all you can do is crawl, start crawling." —Rumi