So awkward you can cut the tension with a knife. And I doubt it’ll ever get better - at least not for a very long time. Both nights, when I saw him, I was flooded with the what ifs - what if the last six months had never happened, what if he had never started hating my best friend, what if I had never started liking his recently, what if he had never come back like I always expected he wouldn’t, what if he had come back sooner, what if he had stayed the second time around, what if he had moved on, what if I hadn’t.
All these questions with no answers to them.
He killed me. Hurt me again. And then I killed him.
Maybe we were not supposed to happen again. Because if we were, I’m positive I would never have tried moving on and he never would have left.
Maybe we weren’t meant to be because he had trust issues to the point where he’d go through private messages and hate my best friend for no reason. And the second time around I would have had trust issues.
Maybe things were supposed to end because I realize now that my best friend is such an important person in my life, that it would be impossible for my partner and best friend not to get along.
Maybe we were supposed to be each other’s first loves, but not only loves.
Maybe things wouldn’t have worked out in the long run because he was too comfortable where he was at and didn’t want to move forward as a couple.
Or maybe we were supposed to be soul mates and we fucked it up.
All I know is that we are set on separate paths now and that while it kills me to the millionth degree to know what we had didn’t last the hurdles, a part of me is at peace knowing that I’ll be okay again one day, that he will be too. He’s an amazing guy, one who any girl would be lucky to have and I was lucky enough to call him mine once. He’s always going to be my Peeta.
Fucking kids care more about each other than we do.
Look at this. Look at the love. If only.
THIS MADE ME TEAR UP OMG THIS WAS SOOO SWEET
I have all the emotions right now