This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
“To live for today and to love for tomorrow is the wisdom of a fool, because tomorrow is promised to no one. You see, love is that wonderful thing that the whole world needs plenty of. If you think for one minute that you can live without it, then you are only fooling yourself.”—Tom Jones, “Without Love”
Today’s just one of those days. I’m just… irked. I don’t know why, but my headache is back and hasn’t gone the whole day.
From one plan to the next. And I get why, but I just wish it wasn’t so. I was set and happy with it. Only to spend five hours searching yet again today. Five hours that I really didn’t have but spent anyway.
And now I’ve got homework that I should have started/done today, but alas didn’t. My muscles ache from Thursday’s workout still, and Advil didn’t help with that either.
Tired of school (I just can’t focus anymore, I’ve been checked out since the Christmas holidays.) Tired of Calgary (the cold just ain’t what it used to be when I was a kid.) Tired of searching. Tired of feeling behind in certain areas. Tired of being ahead in other areas. Tired of making decisions. Tired of ignoring certain people because I just can’t talk to them anymore without getting annoyed half the time. Tired of always being told to “slow down” when in reality I actually live slower, compared to others. Tired of having no license.
It’s dawned on me (okay, not just now, but you know - it’s dawned on me again) just how lucky I am to have my Nanaji and Naniji in my life. [For all you non-Punjabi’s out there, that means Grandpa and Grandma.]
They have been there for my sister and I since we were babies. Looking after us when we went to elementary and junior high, before and after school, and making lunch during the noon hour. My Naniji used to pick us up from elementary and we’d walk back to their home. Nanaji would push us on the swings, making us go higher and higher.
I miss those days. The days where my Naniji’s memory was good. The days where my Nanaji wasn’t stressed. It pains me to see him watch his wife go through this. But mostly, I feel sorry for my sister. Grandma Jean (our dad’s mom) died before Nicole was born, and she was too young to fully remember Grandpa Len. She was also too young to remember Naniji when she was healthier. She can only remember her as how she is now - which hurts me a lot. Naniji has done so much for our family - she used to be the sole cook in the house, she helped raise us since we were babies by babysitting us everyday, and she never raised her voice. And now… now we look after her.
I am so thankful to be able to spend my Mondays and Fridays with my grandparents, looking after Naniji and hanging out with Nanaji. I just wish Nicole could do this, too. My grandparents are incredible people. 50+ years is amazing, especially nowadays. And they’re still going strong. I’d like to say that some miracle will occur and Naniji will be her old self again, we’ll be able to go on another cruise and she’ll be able to go back to India for a visit… But I know that’s just wishful thinking. And that scares me. It scares me to think she can’t see her sister in Vancouver or brother in India again. I can’t imagine not being able to see Nicole when I grow older.
While I miss Grandpa Len and Grandma Jean terribly, I’m really happy that I at least have had the opportunity to love and be loved by Nanaji and Naniji for all these years. They’re a major part of my life - not a day goes by when I don’t talk to them. This summer is going to be tough, for them and for me. I’m going to miss them terribly.
I just hope Babaji (what we call God in Punjabi - yes, I know that I’m contradicting what I normally say about my religious beliefs - but still) looks after them those four months. Especially Naniji.
Wow, I didn’t expect to be tearing up while writing this… Man I’m sappy, haha.
I spent the day with my grandparents today, and we listened to Kenny Rogers’ CD in the car. When this song came on, my grandma got really happy. About four years ago, my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. For them, I made a powerpoint presentation featuring four of “their” songs and many pictures of their life together. This song was included. Ever since then, I’ve loved it. Not just because it’s a really romantic song - but because I tie it to my grandparents. <3
People ask me, “Why tattoos?” so often. Especially my family, who pretty much hate the idea of me getting one. And believe me, I understand their reasonings. My body can be pretty strange, so there’s no telling what might happen to that skin. But honestly, I think it’d be okay. Just because my ears don’t like metal in the holes for a long period of time doesn’t mean my body will reject a tattoo.
Yes, it’s permanent. Yes, it’ll last forever. Yes, people have been known to regret them when they’re older.
But the way I see it, why shouldn’t you do something crazy at least once in your life? My tattoo idea has so much meaning behind it and the quote not only comes from my favorite series ever, but also reminds me of what’s important each day.
It’s cool to think that I will always have a piece of my past with me. Thankfully, tattoos aren’t condemned as much anymore. I mean, the older generations still frown upon them; but today, it’s common to see tattoos on people.
Tattoos are a way of self-expression. It’s art. And we all are artists to a certain degree - whether that be with sound, food, theatre, words, cars, design, etc. Although I’m no professional, I’m still an artist. I’ve been involved with the arts since I was young - ballet, Indian dancing, singing, drama, musical theatre and writing (soon to be jewelry.) Why shouldn’t I put a little bit of art on my body?
Sure, tattoos can be addictive. You get one, and soon you’ll have twenty. But I don’t see it that way. I want two. That’s it. One on my upper back/bottom of neck and one behind my ear. Both reasonably small. Both mean so much to me. My first one, a Harry Potter inspired quote, will be on the bottom of my neck. I can’t wait to get it.
Sure my family will be furious with me. But it’s my body, right? People get piercings. And it’s weird, but I never actually went through that whole “teen stage.” I never dyed my hair, never got piercings, never went goth, never did anything rebellious or out of the norm. And I don’t mean this tattoo is my long-awaited act of rebellion. But it’s my time to do something for me - on me.
I’m set. It will happen. I would love it if my friend Julie could write it for me, but she’s currently at UofPenn. So that’s kinda out of the question… unless she scanned her design, emailed it to me, and I printed it out. She’s an amazing artist, always has been. Her writing is beautiful, so I know it would be in good hands. I should ask her… Either way, I’ll need someone to design it for me. And I think I want it done during the summer. As sad as it is, I want it to be done on an important day - and what better day than the day before (or at least as close to it as possible) I leave for Malibu. This summer marks an important time for me, and I’d love for my tattoo to be shown there. Besides, the summer sun will help it heal.
For some reason, no sooner I tried uploading this song, the Internet stopped working for me. So this is a day late.
Legally Blonde - Laura Bell Bundy & Christian Borle, “Legally Blonde: Official Broadway Cast”
On Thursday, my sister and I went to see this musical, and ever since then all the songs have been stuck in my head. They’re all so catchy and the cast was really good. But this song in particular really touched me. Every girl wants their crush/best guy friend to tell her he’s in love with her. I know I did for three years. There’s something so sweet and pure about this song, when Elle Woods decides she’s going back home to Malibu, and her friend Emmett is trying to convince her otherwise by revealing he loves her. Romantic much? Ahh, it makes me smile every time. Maybe one day I’ll get that moment, too. One can always hope, right?
It’s 12:30 and now I feel like writing my novel. Seriously, what is wrong with my system? Maybe because it’s really quiet and dark…
Not gonna lie, but I love the idea of writing in little cafes or cozy little nooks, like so many authors do. I don’t have a “place.” I write where I can, when I can. Which really isn’t great for me, because my alone time is so little and far between that it’s hard for me to even get the chance to write anymore. I just wish I could take off for a few hours every week, go someplace neat, grab a tea and just write.
But therein lies the problem: taking off. At the moment, I can’t do that. I don’t have my license. Do you know how SAD that is? A 19-year-old girl does not have the ability to drive herself places. And this lack of a license doesn’t only affect my ability to write or hang out with people - it’s now affecting my ability of finding places to stay in Malibu for the summer. Why why why why why did I screw myself over years ago? When my friends were getting their learner’s licenses, they told me to, too. But did I listen? No. I had my family and Melissa to drive me places. I didn’t see the need for it. Well, now I’ve screwed myself over big time. UGH.
I’m digressing. A lot.
Anyways, I really hope this summer provides me with many opportunities to settle down and write. Guaranteed that’s what I’ll be doing in the evenings when I come home from the office - I’ll make myself some tea, look out onto the beach (heck, maybe I’ll even go down there) and write my ass off.
Ah, what a lovely picture I’ve painted myself. Now I’m just going to need to make this happen.
But in the meantime, I guess these nights and hours to myself will have to suffice to getting my story started.
There are writers conventions in Banff and BC every year, and I’m hoping that if - no, when - I finish my story, I can take what I have to a convention and show it to agents there. Wouldn’t that be lovely? I think so, too.
Well, I think I’ll end this now so I don’t go off on other tangents. There’s always a million and one things going on in my head, but for tonight this is all I shall talk about.
Okay, so I’ve decided to do something a little different on my blog than others. To keep my blog more than just quotes, rants, pictures, etc, I’m going to put my music of the week.
Music is a major part of my life - there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t listen to something. And what better way than to share my music with others? So each day I’ll post my tunes for that day. I love all different genres — from Broadway to rock, Disney to metal, punk to ballads — you get the picture.
You are one of the sweetest people I've never had the pleasure of spending an extended period of time with.
I know how difficult it is sometimes when you're trying to find your place in the world, but trust me when I say you'll never find it by second guessing yourself. If you want to pursue your dreams, the only person stopping you is you. Even if you audition for a play and it turns out they don't want you, the only thing you've wasted is an afternoon, and even then you get a great excuse to stand around acting silly for a few hours. Be confident! We both know you're a better actress than you think you are. Your voice will come with confidence.
Sorry this isn't technically a question. Have a nice night <3
This made me smile =) Thank you so much for that. And I know, I just need to remember that I’m in control of my life, my future. It’s just easier said than done sometimes, haha.
My mom may have a point when she says I have a "scattered brain."
It’s moments like these that I truly and deeply miss theatre. I hate watching from the sidelines. I just came back from watching Legally Blonde at the Jubilee Auditorium, and I’ve got to say that was a pretty good show. Sure, for most of the time I pictured one of my best friends, Alysha, as Elle Woods (her version of Elle in grade 11 was amazing, just as good — if not better — than the professionals.) And that got me thinking…
I wish I could say I was good enough to continue with theatre. I mean, I was decent, meh, I suppose. But I was more of a back-up person, if anything. I always thought that if I was tall or thin or looked more like my age, that would help me. But really, it comes down to my voice. And I just lack that whole power that gets people’s attention. Hence the chorus roles I always got.
But chorus or not, theatre was my entire life for three amazing years. In high school. And as soon as that time ended, so did my passion for the arts. Now I’m stuck writing about theatre in Calgary, thanks to my journalism topic. I get to talk to actors and sit in at rehearsals just waiting for the moment that I can ditch my camera and join them in song and dance. I know I said earlier that I would be a part of a show again, but it’s hard. The timing just isn’t there. I really wanted to audition for Joseph and Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but their rehearsal days overlapped with my school. And.. I’m scared. I haven’t auditioned for anything since Rent, and I’m afraid my voice sucks now and I’ve gotten worse over the years. I’m more comfortable with myself now than ever before, but I’m afraid I’ll screw up. How sad is that?
I wish I could be like some people and do everything and have no repercussions later other than a lacking social life. I mean, there she is acting on stage and on screen, modeling and doing journalism… and she’s excelling in them all. Whereas here am I with all these dreams but they’re too far to reach. I can stand by and hear/watch all these amazing things that are happening to her/them, and I smile, congratulate. Inside though I’m ready to burst. I try at school but I’m still nowhere near to being perfect. I try with my writing but I’ve yet to finish a story. I tried with theatre but I was nowhere near to being as good as the rest of them.
… So where do I excel in?
I’d really like to know. Because right now, I’m tired. I’m tired of saying “Congratulations, you’re really going somewhere.” Or saying “I’m so jealous, you’re so lucky!” I want people to be jealous of me for once, to congratulate me on something. Is that greedy of me? I’ve never really had that before, and would love to experience it for once. If I do something, someone has to do it better. For once, I want to be at the top (or as high as I can get to the top.)
This internship in Malibu is make-it-or-break-it for me. Without an amazing work term, I’m nothing there. I want them to fall in love with my writing style, my ideas, my personality. I want them to remember me and want me back. I want this to lead to a job or more connections for the future. This is my chance to get into the States later on, and I cannot screw it up.
Sorry. I’ve ranted. A lot. And I know this is a blog, and it’s my thoughts/feelings/etc that I want to share with people… but I should cool it now. My apologies if I offended anyone.
“Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.”— Stephen Colbert, via Dave (via heather-rivers)
“Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”—Baby, “Dirty Dancing”
“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”—Roald Dahl
Being sick makes me want to eat yummy foods. I mean, I don’t have a huge appetite… but when I’m hungry, that’s what I want. Cup of Soup can only get a girl so far.
I really want to be able to go see Legally Blonde on Thursday, gah… Please please please.
On a side note, I kinda want to talk to you again. But I’m a kid and can’t make moves first. So you’re gonna have to take the reigns here. …Or was it only the alcohol talking?
Either way, it doesn’t make sense anyways. I shouldn’t care, or try, or anything because I’ve got 2.5 months left to go here. Then I’m Malibu-bound. Ahhh, it feels SO good to say that! Even my sickness can’t taint that thought. =) Eek.
PS, I love James Garner. He’s so sweet. I want him as a third grandpa.